Reverb10 Dec 14

Prompt: Appreciate. What's the one thing you have come to appreciate most in
the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?

2010 you knocked me out!  What did I appreciate from you the MOST?  The log that ripped my left arm out of place?  The man/boy down the hill who sneaked in with 6 crates of gorgeous apples when I was gone?  My teensy ancient house-rooster who crows me awake every single morning?  Dear Lil Guy 20 year old Nissan truck who did not break down even once? The troublesome woman down the hill?  The seemingly unending unbearable hurt of love ended  abruptly without explanation?  The amazing gifts of total strangers?

All these wonders and many more. Of 2010 the overarching miracle for which I feel daily appreciation is that somehow I was given the gift of seeing the integration of all my many personas woven together into one graceful life.   My world has become one filled with everyday life illuminated by a strange and lovely perspective.  It is one that I have striven to achieve and despaired of ever achieving.  One that I never really thought about, and yet craved all the time.  I wanted my life to be all-of-one-piece.  Not a patchwork cobbled together - this bit of work by worker me next to that bit of play by recreational me next to that bit of housekeeping by hausfrau me.  I wanted to be ME in all of the dance, in all of the positions, in all of the costumes, in all of the stumbles.  I cannot tell you how this wholeness came about.  Perhaps it is simply time for all the pieces to fit?  I do not know.

Thank you 2010 for whipping my arrogant ass into shape so thoroughly that I came through the beating one whole integrated happy woman.  I love you 2010!  I express my gratitude simply by doing my best to maintain this wondrous state - by not allowing the world and my experiences in it to fragment me again.

December 13th Reverb10

When it comes to aspirations, its not about ideas. It's
about making ideas happen. What's your next step?_


 
What I want to take with me as I step in to 2011 is the determination to make this the year that I get back on my own dirt.  I have been struggling to get this thing done since my ex-husband's addictions and perfidy cost me everything that I had 12 years ago.  Never mind all the gory details of that asset massacre - I just need and want and long to be digging my toes in to my OWN DIRT again. This year I have to find the way to  make that happen for us.

I'm sick of boarding my horse out. I'm sick of being told that I cannot have the neighbor's dog over to play.  No matter how gentle or how wonderful the boss or the landlord or the stable owner is, it is just not the same as being on my own land.  I want to get up and go see my lovies in my bunny slippers and bedhead hair.  If I need to have sick chicks in the bathtub that's what I need to be able to do.  Without fearing eviction.  Without sneaking around. I need to be able to be in charge of my own everything again.

How to make this dream come into being has eluded me for so long.  I have worked and prayed and tried all kinds of schemes - this coming year I must find the correct key to unlock the gate to my Eden.

Reverb10 #11

Body integration. This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment when there wasn't mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?


My body is not an entity that I often wish to integrate with. She is a constant source of discomfort (lie lie lie) she is a constant source of big nasty PAIN. Poor dear little one started out wonky and then was hit by a car driven by a mid-day drunk many years ago. Darlin body has had a very rough time of it and sometimes I think she wishes very much that she had gotten a kinder, lazier mistress.
 
I cut body very little slack. Only lately have I begun to say "oh - I truly should not do that because if I do and I get hurt again I might not get up." Oh boy do I ever HATE that! I've had so many big loves in my life that were all about BODY and using/abusing BODY to get to the high place I wanted to get to. Ice skating [crash!]. Running [rip!]. And the biggie - horseback riding [splat! crack! snap!].
 
My interior scaffolding is so beaten up, twisted, held together with rubberbands and paperclips and whatever else was lying about the surgery that I cannot abuse it any further.
 
So what was my delight this year? The moment when body and I were one and happy to be so? I gave my beauty BoJangles a long sweet bath - oh how he loves his bath. Then I walked him dry as he grazed on the early fall grass. Horse-lust overcame me and he knew the instant that he HAD me and walked over to the round pen where I climbed the rails and slid over on to his wet back. Magnificent old BoJo continued to walk sedately around the farm munching grass and allowing me to feel the play of muscles, the magical rhythm, total harmony of blended energies as he enjoyed his day while allowing me to celebrate mine. Thank You Beloved.

Reverb10

Things. What are 11 things your life doesn't need in 2011? How
will you go about eliminating them? How will getting ride of these 11 things
change your life? _

Had to read that a couple of times before noticing that it says THINGS. Not people. Not events. THINGS. This is going to take some thought as I have been making big deliveries to the Humane Society Thrift Store, doing sales and downsizing all year. There really are not very many unnecessary THINGS left. I may have to add back people and events to make up the eleven :)

Ok so after reading dozens of other postings on this prompts I realize it is NOT about things :)


1- Addiction to solitude

2-Addiction to silence.

3-Slavery to my animals

4-Personalizing Other's nastiness

5-All forms of tale bearing

6- Competitiveness

7- Crappy wardrobe

8-Renter status

9-Ridiculous eating habits

10-
be back later still thinking......